S-A-TUR-DAY-NIGHT!!

recently I have been listening to quite a bit of "groovy" sixities type music. Bay City Rollers, The Beatles, The Monkees, The Mamas & The Papas...and so on!! What a simpler time [you know...except for the Berlin Wall; the deaths of JFK,MLK, Malcolm X, and Marilyn Monroe; Nelson Mandela going to jail, and that whole thing with Charles Manson] to be alive...even Sesame Street began to delight children worldwide. Ah, sometimes I just wish i could have been around to enjoy it...mod would have been so delicious!!

TRANsition

12/23/09
8:02 PM

It's been a good day. I got to hang out with my friend Laura today which is something that is always an elevating experience. I never have to worry about how I will be perceived by her because I know in the end she really just doesn't care about "who I am" she just wants to talk about music and art and cinema and have a good damn time. Over the past few years I've started to realize that Laura [and our friend Austin] are better than any opiate I could ever indulge in. No matter the situation I have a good time with them. Even the shittiest days just end up becoming some joke we tell later on. Of all the people I spend time with, they are some of the only ones with whom I can honestly say I cannot see a potential for a bad day.


♥♥

SUNSHINE, RAINBOWS, AND PONNNNNNNNIIIIIIEEEEESSSSS!!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I realized that my last few posts have been much too dreery so i thought i'd post the ultimate happiness!!

TRANsition

12/22/09
1:03 PM

Well, I got my journal out befeore noon today but then Liam needed some attention [ umm helloooo. did you forget you were a nanny??] and he's only just now really into his nap. Anyway...day number one with no meds. It's a strange thing, because at the moment I am counseling a freind of mine through his trasition into her...and yet, here I am feeling like I'm right back at my own beginning [pardon the gross emocity of that statement..."now presenting the newest single from My Own Beginning!!"...eww]

My mom asked me today if I wanted her to pay for a stereo and it's installation into my car...that's like a minimum of $100 for the stereo not including installation. Then you have to factor in the cost of speakers...because my car doesn't have them...i know...which is like another $50-100. This is the same woman who refuses to help me pay for hormones...I can't afford the one thing in life I really want/need which leads to extreme emotional duress and meanwhile, my goddamn mother wants to make sure i can listen to music while I'm driving. There are no words.

2:26 PM

I am still decidedly irritated. I calmed down enough to realize that she doesn't get it and that isn't her fault and I shouldn't be upset that she's trying to do something nice. I cannot believe my life is crashing like this...and enough with the emo shit Laet!! Only positivity from here on out.

Ryan McGinley has got to be one of my absolute favorite photographers. From Moonmilk...to his Agyness Deyn nude shots for POP magazine[inspired by a terribly sad story of people falling from a fire escape] this man has a magical ability to capture every human emotion possible and even some that you wouldn't even know existed. His existential nudes will shock you into submission and wow you over and over again with the ferocity of all of god's beast tied up into one rampaging horror of talent and glamour.

TRANsition

12/21/09
3:21 PM

I've begun to realize that pretty much every TRAN entry so far has been written in the afternoon...I guess it's because my mornings are pretty busy. Anywho...so I'm down to half a pill. I'm pretty sure I'll end up just throwing it away because seriously, only 100 mg pill is barely enough spiro...why in god's name would I take just half of a friggin pill?? I went out last night ''dressed" for the first time since I've been working this job, and let me tell you...it was A-MUTHA-FRIGGIN-MAZING!! Nights like last night make me happy because I feel like my real self [even if only for a few hours] but at the same time make me so damn sad because I know that starting tomorrow, it will become even more difficult.

GOD I JUST NEED TO FIND $230

Part of me just wants to ask someone because I know that if I had a friend in my situation I'd do all I could...but seriously, who the H am i going to ask for money?? I don't know what I'm going to do.

this is not my underwear!!

Does anyone remember the movie Little Nemo Adventures In Slumberland?? It is probably my all time favorite movie from childhood...like ever!! Below is my favorite scene but you can watch the whole thing here.What I wouldn't give to have a dandelion outfit!!

love!!

♥♥

The Smoking Popes have been around for ages [1991] and they hail from Chicago. I've been a listener of their's since before the last reunion "tour" and I will die a fan!! Trust me, just give them one good listen and I swear you'll be hooked.

ps: they have a song in the clueless movie!!

oh geez!!

I just realized I had 13 posts...not that I'm superstitious or anything, I'm just being safe...

WANT WANT WANT!!

I want an Amazon Kindle sooooooooooooo badly!! If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here, but don't let the video freak you out [that dude sounds so effin creepy!! shiver...]. If I had one of these bad boys I could actually have a shot at accomplishing my reading list:

The Master and Margarita
The Bestiary
Gentlemen of the Road
The Deceivers
Childhood's End
Slaughterhouse Five
The Death Gate Cycle
Dune
Atonement
Oliver Twist
and virtually everything by Hemingway!!

I know right...good friggin luck!!

edit: I didn't mention that Poe would be on there, but that's because I kind of figured that went without saying...

TRANsition

12/20/09
2:27 PM

Well, I skipped a day or two, so I still have a pill and a half[like that would honestly make me feel any better]. Jebsus Chribst what the hell am i going to do?? Ok Laet...deep breaths...you'll figure things out. Step 1) stop talking to yourself in journal form!! It could be a lot worse...at least I'm not super manly. I'm lucky enough to be naturally fem in appearance so I should just at least be thankful for that.

4:44 PM

It's official, I have... [whisper]^{a beard}

Ok, not really...but I do need to shave pretty badly...DAMN!!...I don't think I have any razors...

4:47PM

phew...I found a pack of razors. Now all I have to do is muster up the energy to get up and actually shave instead of sitting here scribbling in a friggin journal[all posts are written then typed later] You'd think, what with the impending doom I'm facing when my meds run out; I would be more motivated to beautify my life[can't you just hear the cheesy harp sounds that accompany that statement??] I don't know, sometimes I just don't care...

"PO PO SHUT US DOWN!!"

Okay, to anyone who likes [loves] the ke$ha song Tik Tok you should for reelz take a listen to these guys. I personally find this version A-mutha-friggin-nnoying buttttttttt...I figured some folks might really like it, so whatevski.

enjoy!!...or not.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I'M LAME!!

I don't know what it is, but Owl City just has this amazing ability to calm me down and put me in good spirits...they basically do for me now what Jack's Mannequin [shut up!!] did three years ago. As much as it drives me crazy to like [love!!!!] hot topic-bubble gum-emo-pop bands like this...I can't help it with this one.

SO FRIGGIN SUE ME!!

holy nuts!!

So i have always been a fan of the subtle beauty of kooba handbags. They have a quite a lovely collection of dazzling leather shoulder bags, clutches and totes. Well...I've had this gorgeous brown leather tote for about a year now and it is probably one of my favorite accessories...it was a gift from a friend who bought it for about fifty?? Imagine my surprise this morning when i glance at the metal tag on the inside for the first time [don't ask me why] and discover that it is in fact a kooba in the flesh...well, leather. I am soooooo freaking excited now and i will probably use this bag every friggin day!!

One site i checked listed the retail price for this bag as $645...wows!!

JESUS H CHRIST...I WANT THESE FRIGGIN SHOES!!

So basically, i was just perusing this site and i found these gorgeous creations!! I mean seriously, these are runway quality, couture-esque shoes [shoes from this company have been featured on the feet of heatherette runway models, and the site was promoted on richandrains.com before it was closed] and the prices are freakin sweet...i die, I DIE!!!!!! These are most definitely on my wish like from now until like i don't know...e-freakin-ternity!!

Along with these three beauties are a plethera of futurorgasmic wonderfulness including pop art flats that would make Roy Liechtenstein sqeaul like a twelve year old at a Jo-Bro concert, mirrorball geta wedges perfect for a tokyo diskotech, and a gorgeous pair of wedge-heel hybrids that would blend so beautifully well with your grandma's 1974 brocade drapes!!

Check out Irregular Choice now...now, now, now!!

TKO TKO-O...O O

Le Tigre is a band that will never cease to lift my spirits...way to go ladies!! RRiot girl music never sounded so good and i never feel more like a feminist than when i listen to you!!

TRANsition

12/19/09
1:43 PM

As strange as it may sound, the one way I really keep myself feeling female is to sit when i pee. I could go without shaving, not wear makeup, and be called sir every time i go out and as long as my ass hits the porcelain i still feel like a woman. How bizarre!!

9:16 PM

So I just saw AVATAR...wow!! I'm not really the biggest fan of sci-fi filmography, but this was a film i just couldn't help but relate with. A "man" who is condemned to a wheelchair gets the opportunity to live a new life that he eventually realizes is the one he was meant to live...could there be a more obvious similiarity to my life?? All I can say is "thank you James Cameron for inadvertantly striking a sensitive chord with me and helping me to realize that "it" can happen."

R.I.P. Brittany Murphy

The 32 year old, known mostly for her roles in 8 Mile, Sin City, and Clueless. was rushed to the hospital after a 911 call was placed by her husband Simon Monjack. She had suffered full cardiac arrest and was pronounced dead upon arrival.

More information as it arrives.

AVATAR...still undecided

So tonight me, the rents, and the gay little brother went to the movies. And what we saw was the newest work from self proclaimed king of the world... James Cameron. I must say, it was not entirely dissappointing. I am not really into the whole epic sci fi alien warfare...thingy. However, there were many endearing qualities to this film, but that will all be discussed in my next TRANsition post.

EDIT: AVATAR is sooooo much better the second time!!

TRANsition...

12/18/09
4:35 PM

As i'm sitting here writing I only have three pills remaining and I figure since I'm about to have to basically start my transition from scratch that I may as well journal about it...once I get a working camera I will keep a photo journal as well!!

It's frustrating that I've been on spiro since early this year and now I'm working for the first time since I've been on it and can't afford it [free shit is always better]. 140 days worth of estro and spiro is going to run me about $230 and unless a miracle occurs, it's going to be a few months until I can afford it.

I don't understand why my parents will pay for my car, phone, school and all other frivolities and won't even remotely help me with this. This is the one thing i feel like my life ACTUALLY needs and they won't even touch on the subject. I feel like if I had been born with an arm missing and there existed a pill that would make me whole again that they would write the check in a heartbeat....I wish they understood that this was the same thing.

Sometimes I feel like I'm lost at sea...and I'm talking a massive effin ocean of shit here!! I've realized that it's impossible for anyone to truly understand how I feel. Even other "trannies"...every transitional experience is unique...for example...I don't really feel like i need a vagina. I mean...I wouldn't be opposed to the idea [if someone was handing out free vag I'd be all over it!!] but i personally don't feel that it would make me more or less of a woman than I already am. For me, personally...I feel that it would be an elective surgery don't only for enhancement, not correction. I'm sick of all of these old tranny bitches-all stuck in the silicone generation-telling me " bitch...you need to get a cunt!!" I don't think I'll ever be in line with their whole "THE BIGGER, THE FASTER, THE BETTER!!" mentality...where is sanity going to come from??

TRANsition

I guess now is as good a time as any to let you know that I am in the transitional period between male and female...as such, i will have a series of posts title TRANsition that will basically be journal entries focused on my transtion...look for it along with photos of the changes to come!!

getting to know you...

Hello there. My name is Laet'li Jeene West and it's been one hell of a year. I'm starting this blog, because well...I have thoughts, ideas, voices, and opinions that I would like to put down. There is no specific theme to this blog, but some of the general talking points will be: fashion, music, modeling, fashion, my "transition"...more later...fashion, and ummm well everything...did I mention fashion and stuff??

I sincerely hope you enjoy!!

<3<3

edit: I guess I should give just a tad bit more of a back story for myself...I'm 19. I work as a nanny for my uncle [Chris], his wife [Georgina] and his two kids [Reece-4.5 and Liam-1.5] I live in Huntsville Alabama and I go to Calhoun Community College. I don't know what I want to do when i grow up, only that i want it to be in the wonderful world of...shiver...fashion!! anywho...this is me!!