TRANsition...

12/18/09
4:35 PM

As i'm sitting here writing I only have three pills remaining and I figure since I'm about to have to basically start my transition from scratch that I may as well journal about it...once I get a working camera I will keep a photo journal as well!!

It's frustrating that I've been on spiro since early this year and now I'm working for the first time since I've been on it and can't afford it [free shit is always better]. 140 days worth of estro and spiro is going to run me about $230 and unless a miracle occurs, it's going to be a few months until I can afford it.

I don't understand why my parents will pay for my car, phone, school and all other frivolities and won't even remotely help me with this. This is the one thing i feel like my life ACTUALLY needs and they won't even touch on the subject. I feel like if I had been born with an arm missing and there existed a pill that would make me whole again that they would write the check in a heartbeat....I wish they understood that this was the same thing.

Sometimes I feel like I'm lost at sea...and I'm talking a massive effin ocean of shit here!! I've realized that it's impossible for anyone to truly understand how I feel. Even other "trannies"...every transitional experience is unique...for example...I don't really feel like i need a vagina. I mean...I wouldn't be opposed to the idea [if someone was handing out free vag I'd be all over it!!] but i personally don't feel that it would make me more or less of a woman than I already am. For me, personally...I feel that it would be an elective surgery don't only for enhancement, not correction. I'm sick of all of these old tranny bitches-all stuck in the silicone generation-telling me " bitch...you need to get a cunt!!" I don't think I'll ever be in line with their whole "THE BIGGER, THE FASTER, THE BETTER!!" mentality...where is sanity going to come from??